


Pain comes in colors

by crypticBinary



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Blood, Dave Strider Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Dave Strider, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Trans Dave Strider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25148527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticBinary/pseuds/crypticBinary
Summary: Dave has a nightmare and does something he doesn't mean to and karkat helps... I'm horrible at summary lol
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 1
Kudos: 70





	Pain comes in colors

**Author's Note:**

> So uh ya. Its been a while. Im so so sorry. This is just something I had tucked away in my notes. Definitely me venting cuz I was being stupid so ya lol.
> 
> Also all daves are trans daves fight me lol. 
> 
> Also I'm so sorry for any1 reading the one supernatural fic I swear I'll get to it I know its been a couple years but I still think about it... I just came out to my religious family as pan and agender and it didn't go well soooooo yaa even more stuff I have to deal with before I can work up the motivation to write. Oof 
> 
> ALSO idk if I'll write anything else for this (I want to) but like I'm mainly posting it when its half finished like it is because I don't want my mom to go thru my phone and delete it SO yes I know it leaves off on an weird note yes I want to do something about it I swear I'll get to it eventually lol

A light switch flicks on. A glint of a blade peeks from inside the drawer. Why are you sitting here? What's happening? You're vaguely aware of waking up panicked and trying to get away from something. 

Blood. It has a sharp pungent smell. You're used to it. You probably shouldn't be, but here we are. 

Pain. Its something familiar. Something comforting. Something.... Wrong. However familiar it may be. You know its wrong. 

Its quiet. Too quiet. There's a slight thrum that comes with the vents aimlessly pushing air around here but still. (You all ignore the occasional honks.) Its too quiet. Where is the hum of traffic?? Where's the sound of cars honking and the occasional siren? What about the occasional yell from the apartment below? 

Where are you? You had woken up from a dream bubble and had to get out. But get out of where? 

The lights are too bright. Where are your shades?? You can feel the cold tile at your back and beneath you. So maybe a bathroom? 

Shit. What's going on??? There's blood and your hands don't feel like your hands and you cant breath and you hear the steady thrum of time pounding against your ears, tick tock tick tock ticktockticktock. 

Its all blurring together. Your hands sting. The sound of metal on metal clashes near and you flinch. Are you holding something? You think your hands have tightened into fists. Your arms sting too. What the fuck. 

Oh.... Oh no. Shit no. You had stopped this, and you were doing so well too! Why? What happened? Fuck you're thoughts aren't there and you still can't breath and why is the ticking getting louder? Its in your head isn't it? 

Wait. That's not... That's the door. Someone's banging. Your eyes open. When did they close? 

You groan. The banging stops. All of a sudden a voice is there? Were they talking the whole time? You recognize that voice, who is it? 

The voice has turned less frantic and its just.... Going... On... You let it anchor you. You gasp and cough when that part of you comes back online. The voice pauses and you can parse out some words. 

"Dave?"

Dave? Thats... You. Thats you. Ya, thats you. The voice is loud. But comforting. You're breathing is still choppy and it feels like you there's something wrapped around your chest. You're staring blankly at the wall in front of you avoiding the blood. 

"Dave? Shit, Dave can you hear me? Are you ok??? Gog, please answer me? I swear if you don't answer me I'll break down the door, I'll do it strider, don't test me!! There's fucking blood out here what the fuck?" 

You listen to the voice. Its comforting but you can't quite grasp the words. You groan again. The pain is finally registering. Your mouth is dry and tastes all coppery. 

"Karkat?"

That's the voice right? Ya. 

Another groan. 

Oh wait. Shit

Karkat. 

That's karkat

What the absolute fuck is going on? 

He's stopped talking. The doorknob rattles. 

Shitshitshit. 

Oh no. This is so beyond not good its- its- shit! 

You scramble to your feet stumbling against the countertop. So you were in a bathroom then, good to know. You hit your arm against the edge of something and flinch backwards knocking something off the counter. It shatters. There's glass now. You're backed against the... Ablution trap. It was another troll word you'd picked up and it had somehow stuck. 

You fall backwards against the other wall. The door finally opens. Nooo. Shit. He's going to hate you. Why. Why at this exact time did he have to be here?! God, he's going to see your eyes (freak), and all the blood (weak), and god you don't think you'll be able to live if he hates you (why? god, you know he already hates you why is adding this to the mix going to make any difference ?) 

Your arms wrap around your head simultaneously trying to hide your eyes and the blood. Oh god. 

All you can smell is the blood. Its wet on your arms and your face. Your hand is slippery and stings too. You grip you hair pulling. Your head bows. 

Footsteps. Its quiet except for your breathing, the hum of the vents, and footsteps. 

Its all still too loud anyway. The footsteps have stopped. There's a shadow in front of you. 

Oh god this is it. You're going to die. He's going to hate you and you're going to die. 

"Dave?"

He's practically whispering. So quiet you're not sure he said anything at all. Still, you whimper and pull at your hair refusing to look up. 

"Dave? Oh gog, that's a lot of blood shit! Dave, can I see?" 

He's speaking louder now. His voice sounds alarmed.... worried. Why would he be worried about you? Why won't he leave you to your fate? Why is he caring? He doesn't care. You don't think so anyway. Who would care? You're weak why are you acting like this? Like a child! God you don't deserve him

Soft gentle hands. Completely unexpected. You flinch back. Who- what- why-??? What??

"Noooooo, " you moan. 

"Dave, its ok come on."

Did you say that out loud? Fuck. 

Your hands are still tugging on your hair. Your head is between your knees and your eyes are shut so tight it aches. Your breathes are rough and ragged. 

Hands again. You don't flinch this time... you don't think. His hand grip yours. Soft fingers pry yours loose from your hair. Ow. 

You're still hyperventilating. He brings your hands to his chest. He's been talking. What? 

"Dave you need to breath, come on." You can feel his chest move up and down. He's exaggerating his breathes. "In and out. I promise its ok, but you need to breathe."

Your eyes are still shut tightly and you're fairly sure you're squeezing his hands and probably getting blood on him, but your breathing is getting better too. 

In and out. 

In and out. 

Its like a mantra. Thrummimg through your head. You focus on it and try and breathe. 

One breathe. 

Then another. 

Your body is shaking but you are finally able to breathe. 

"There we go." You are still super confused. How is he here? 

He shifts your hands and scooches a little bit closer. You open your eyes and find you're staring at tile. Blood covered tile. You suck in another breathe and groan again. Shit. That's a lot of red. 

"Dave?" Its a whisper, but its still the loudest thing in here. It echoes off the walls and through your skull. You have a massive headache. 

You somehow find the courage to lift your head. Your vision swims before you focus on him. Shit. 

Your head bangs back against the tile as you lose that courage. 

"Shit, Dave I have to go get something to stop this bleeding." You can tell he's trying to stay calm and is only partially succeeding. 

You nod by briefly lifting your head and letting it fall back again. 

"No don't do that." Another mumbled curse. 

His hand leave yours and his footsteps thud on the tile. 

The thrum, his footsteps, your calmer but still ragged breathing,(nope no. You are definitely not acknowledging that honk that just came from the vent near the ceiling nope) 

He's back. You're surprised. Why? Why won't he leave? You can breathe now and the bleeding will stop on its own... eventually. 

He's back. And he grabs your hands again. 

"Come on let's get you sitting on the toilet."

You let him help you up. As soon as your standing you pull your hands from his grasp and stumble towards the toilet. Instead of sitting you collapse and promptly throw up. 

"Shit." He curses behind you. Your arm is on fire, your throat burns, and your head hurts like a motherfucker. 

"Shit." This time its you that says that. You lay your head on the cool rim of the toilet. Gross. You flush the toilet and sit down on the closed lid. 

He's still here and is wrapping your arm in a rag. More blood. More red. That's a lot of blood. 

Again, you're used to it. More scars to add to the collection, what's new? This is what you did. This was the pain you could control. With bro. And the roof. And the strifes you didn't want you were forced to give it up. This was how you took it back. 

You must have blacked out because next thing you know you're being carried. Your arm still burns but less. You can feel bandages. Your shirt is gone you notice with faint interest. Your head is pounding and your mouth tastes like literal piss. 

A door is nudged open and you're laid on something soft. You crack your eyes too see karkat. He has your shades in his hands, you must have dropped them. 

You try to push your self up only to fall back with a huff. His head snaps up to see you weakly trying to sit up. 

"Crap, here let me help." he puts your shades on the table next to the bed before helping you sit up. Hes gone for a moment before a cup is pressed into your hands and is being guided to your lips. The water burns but also helps soothe you throat, while also helping with the taste. 

When you're done he puts the cup next to your shades. He clears his throat and you look up. He sits next to you before meeting your nervous gaze. 

"What the fuck." He deadpans at you. However blunt and aggressive his words may have been his tone was soft and concerned. 

What. 

Your mouth opens. Then closes. He's seen all your scars now. Well all the ones on your upper half. Meaning the most important ones.

You ignore the question for a moment. 

"Can I uh," you cough. "Can I have my shades back?"

You can't look at him. Shame and embarrassment flood your chest. The lights are way too fucking bright for your eyes. 

He hands them too you silently. You glance up once your shades have been successfully put back on. 

"Thank you." You push the covers off that had been pulled up?? When??? 

"Also uh sorry."

He looks confused and opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off. 

"I can just uh go. Uh ya I'll just go. I'm really fucking sorry for waking you up and also thank you so much for helping me. I think it was a nightmare." Why would you tell him that??? "I mean, I don't really remember much of what was going on and it was super fucking awesome of you to help but I should probably go." 

"Dave. ". 

"I mean I'm in your bed with blood all over me." That's is still a lot of red. You make sure not to look at it. "Ill be fine now and I really don't want to bother you anymore."

"Dave."

"I mean, who wouldn't be bothered by some guy that they barely know getting blood all over their sheets?"

You shift over to get off the bed. A hand grabs your wrist before you make it too far. You stiffen. Pain flares up your arm reminding you of more mistakes you made. 

"Dave."

His voice is firm. Unwavering. Comforting. Fuck. He never calls you Dave. Always strider. Or some version of word fucker. 

He pulls you back onto the bed. Internally you are most definitely panicking, outwardly your face is blank. Probably tense either from pain or stress. 

He looks calm. Sort of. Worried. Concerned but still calm. There is blood on his hands and a little on his shirt. You stare at it. 

Your head lowers and you stare at the cold floor instead.

"Sorry," you mumble, so quietly you aren't sure he heard it.

Until you look up. Shit. He looks angry. Did you piss him off?? Why would he want you to stay if he was mad? Did he keep you here just to yell? You don't think you did anything hopefully. Maybe he reached his breaking point? Maybe you're too pathetic at this point. He's too quiet. Why isn't he saying anything? 

His face is like an open book, you can read all the emotions that pass through his face. Anger. And then. Pity? Ugh. 

You like how open his face is. Because. However angry he is. You can tell what he's thinking. Bro. His face was cold. You could never tell. You like that even though he's mad you can tell karkat isn't going to hurt you. Hes not reaching for his strife deck or closing his fists. Hes just crouching there. By the bed. Still. Holding your fucking wrist. 

He let's go and the anger seems to melt away and he doesn't seem like hes about to start yelling anymore. 

"This is so fucked up."

What. 

"What?"

Well ya its fucked up. You are sitting here bleeding (not anymore there's bandages fuckface) all over his bed. Pathetically. You really should go. And you would except.. 

"You don't need to say sorry, jegus."

He runs a hand through his hair and stands up from his crouch to sit beside you. 

You are so confused. On many fronts. Like why he won't let you go. Why he helped. Why you feel so calm around him. 

"Well," you start. 

He interrupts. "I'm sorry if I'm being too forward but like, what the fuck happened. Also, are you ok cause that really didn't seem ok. Should I go get rose, because I know you two are human siblings or whatever and you might not be comfortable with me but I can tell something happened. Obviously."

Hahaha

"Nope, nonono. No need to get rose. Fuck no leave her out of this. She'll just try to physic analyze me or whatever and I'm just not..." Nope not rose. Nope. And also you are most definitely not avoiding the other questions. Nope. Not at all.


End file.
